Jokes n Talks

Some of these words of wisdom must have reached you earlier.Others find their way now. Use them wisely to enhance your worldly experience!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

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A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.

B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.

C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.


D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.

E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.

F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.

H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.

I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.

J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.

K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.

M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.



N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.

O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.

P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.

Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.

R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.

S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.

T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.

U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.

V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.

W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.

X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.

Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.

Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.


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The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip.


The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver.

She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck.


He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?"


"Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."

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Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

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Be Positive.... ...

A Lady Teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his Questions he had to go back to the first-grade. Madam agreed.

The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions'.

'Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief

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1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you,
Only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with,
Never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.


4 . It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

5 . It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6 . Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.



7 . Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you,
It probably hurts the person too.

9 . A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.

10 . The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11 . Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

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A smile is the universal welcome.
Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
All the statistics in the world can't measure the warmth of a smile.
At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.
Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.
Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.
Carry laughter with you wherever you go.
Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit.
Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day.
Everyone smiles in the same language.
Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
I live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh about if you try hard enough.
If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine.
If you don't start out the day with a smile, it's not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.
If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile.
If you smile at someone, they might smile back.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the poser to choose either.
It takes a lot of work from the face to let out a smile, but just think what good smiling can bring to the most important muscle of the body... the heart.
It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown.
It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile.
Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to.
Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don't leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.
Laughter is an instant vacation.
Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks.
Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.
Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Sleep, we all love it , especially when you wake up from a great night's sleep. In the past, sleep was often ignored by doctors and surrounded by myths, but now we are beginning to understand the importance of sleep to overall health and well-being. In fact, when people get less than 6 or 7 hours of sleep each night, their risk for developing diseases begins to increase...

Smile and laughter quotes will show how smiles and laughter can make your days sparkle with happiness.
Laughter, some said it's the best medicine in the world.
So start smiling and laughing as much as you can. Have a hearty laugh over every amusing situation. Laugh even at yourself and smile at the simplest pleasures in your life.
With smiles and laughter, your days will become lighter, more joyous and more bearable even on those hay-wired days. Your smiling face looks much more appealing and beautiful too.
Give away your smiles freely and in abundance. Spread your laughter around as it's contagious.

Enjoy these smile and laughter quotes!


A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life's worthwhile.
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.
A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash.
A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles.
A laugh is a smile that bursts.
A man isn't poor if he can still laugh.
A smile appeared upon her face as if she'd taken it directly from her handbag and pinned it there.
A smile confuses an approaching frown.
A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it.
A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.
A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home.

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
Laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
I've always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, "Ain't that the truth."
I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.
Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing.
Mirth is God's medicine. Everybody ought to bathe in it.
Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
Peace begins with a smile.
People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile.
Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.
Really, sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered - and I still do - which is more important.
Remember, men need laughter sometimes more than food.
She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.
Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over.
So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.
Seven days without laughter makes one weak.
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
That is the best - to laugh with someone because you both think the same things are funny.
The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.�
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.
There can never be enough said of the virtues, dangers, the power of a shared laugh.
Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.
What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.
You're never fully dressed without a smile.

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Sleep, we all love it , especially when you wake up from a great night's sleep. In the past, sleep was often ignored by doctors and surrounded by myths, but now we are beginning to understand the importance of sleep to overall health and well-being. In fact, when people get less than 6 or 7 hours of sleep each night, their risk for developing diseases begins to increase...

1. Sleep Keeps Your Heart Healthy:
Heart attacks and strokes are more common during the early morning hours. This fact may be explained by the way sleep interacts with the blood vessels. Lack of sleep has been associated with worsening of blood pressure and cholesterol, all risk factors for heart disease and stroke. Your heart will be healthier if you get between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night.

2. Sleep May Prevent Cancer:
People working the late shift have a higher risk for breast and colon cancer. Researchers believe this link is caused by differing levels of melatonin in people who are exposed to light at night. Light exposure reduces the level of melatonin, a hormone that both makes us sleepy and is thought to protect against cancer. Melatonin appears to suppress the growth of tumors. Be sure that your bedroom is dark to help your body produce the melatonin it needs.

3. Sleep Reduces Stress:
When your body is sleep deficient, it goes into a state of stress. The body's functions are put on high alert which causes an increase in blood pressure and a production of stress hormones. Higher blood pressure increases your risk for heart attacks and strokes. The stress hormones also, unfortunately, make it harder for you to sleep. Learn relaxation techniques to counter the effects of stress. There are also stress reduction techniques for sleep.

4. Sleep Reduces Inflammation:
The increase in stress hormones raises the level of inflammation in your body, also creating more risk for heart-related conditions, as well as cancer and diabetes. Inflammation is thought to one of the causes of the deterioration of your body as you age.

5. Sleep Makes You More Alert:
Of course, a good night's sleep makes you feel energized and alert the next day. Being engaged and active not only feels great, it increases your chances for another good night's sleep. When you wake up feeling refreshed, use that energy to get out into the daylight, do active things, and be engaged in your world. You'll sleep better the next night and increase your daily energy level.

6. Sleep Bolsters Your Memory:
Researchers do not fully understand why we sleep and dream, but a process called memory consolidation occurs during sleep. While your body may be resting, your brain is busy processing your day, making connections between events, sensory input, feelings and memories. Your dreams and deep sleep are an important time for your brain to make memories and links. Getting more quality sleep will help you remember and process things better.

7. Sleep May Help You Lose Weight:
Researchers have also found that people who sleep less than seven hours per night are more likely to be overweight or obese. It is thought that the lack of sleep impacts the balance of hormones in the body that affect appetite. The hormones ghrelin and leptin, important for the regulation of appetite, have been found to be disrupted by lack of sleep. So if you are interested in controlling or losing weight, don't forget to pay attention to getting a good night's sleep.

8. Naps Make You Smarter:
Napping during the day is not only an effective and refreshing alternative to caffeine, it can also protect your health and make you more productive. A study of 24,000 Greek adults showed that people who napped several times a week had a lower risk for dying from heart disease. People who nap at work have much lower levels of stress. Napping also improves memory, cognitive function and mood.

9. Sleep May Reduce Your Risk for Depression:
Sleep impacts many of the chemicals in your body, including serotonin. People with a deficiency in serotonin are more likely to suffer from depression. You can help to prevent depression by making sure you are getting the right amount of sleep, between 7 and 9 hours each night.

10. Sleep Helps the Body Make Repairs:
Sleep is a time for your body to repair damage caused by stress, ultraviolet rays and other harmful exposures. Your cells produce more protein while you are sleeping. These protein molecules form the building blocks for cells, allowing them to repair damage.

Here are 9 powerful reasons to drink water:


1. Weight loss: Water is one of the best tools for weight loss, first of all because it often replaces high-calorie drinks like soda and juice and alcohol with a drink that doesn't have any calories. But it's also a great appetite suppressant, and often when we think we're hungry, we're actually just thirsty. Water has no fat, no calories, no carbs, no sugar. Drink plenty to help your weight-loss regimen.

2. Heart healthy: Drinking a good amount of water could lower your risks of a heart attack. A six-year study published in the May 1, 2002 American Journal of Epidemiology found that those who drink more than 5 glasses of water a day were 41% less likely to die from a heart attack during the study period than those who drank less than two glasses.

3. Energy: Being dehydrated can sap your energy and make you feel tired,even mild dehydration of as little as 1 or 2 percent of your body weight. If you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated and this can lead to fatigue, muscle weakness, dizziness and other symptoms.

4. Headache cure: Another symptom of dehydration is headaches. In fact, often when we have headaches it's simply a matter of not drinking enough water. There are lots of other causes of headaches of course, but dehydration is a common one.

5. Healthy skin: Drinking water can clear up your skin and people often report a healthy glow after drinking water. It won't happen overnight, of course, but just a week of drinking a healthy amount of water can have good effects on your skin.

6. Digestive problems: Our digestive systems need a good amount of water to digest food properly. Often water can help cure stomach acid problems, and water along with fiber can cure constipation (often a result of dehydration).

7. Cleansing: Water is used by the body to help flush out toxins and waste products from the body.

8. Cancer risk: Related to the digestive system item above, drinking a healthy amount of water has also been found to reduce the risk of colon cancer by 45%. Drinking lots of water can also reduce the risk of bladder cancer by 50% and potentially reduce the risk of breast cancer.

9. Better exercise: Being dehydrated can severely hamper your athletic activities, slowing you down and making it harder to lift weights. Exercise requires additional water, so be sure to hydrate before, during and after exercise.

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The Most Selfish " 1 " letter word.

" I " ---> Avoid It

The Most Satisfying " 2 " letter words.

" We " ---> Use It..

The Most Poisonous " 3 " letter word.

" Ego" ---> Kill It..

The Most Used " 4 " letter word.

" LOVE " --> Value It.

The Pleasing " 5 " letter words.

" SMILE " --> Keep It.

The Fastest Spreading " 6 " letter word.

" RUMOUR " --> Ignore it..

The Hardest working " 7 " Letter Word.

"SUCCESS " --> Achieve it..

The Most enviable " 8 " letter word.

" JEALOUSY " --> Distance It..

The Most Powerful " 9 " word letter word..

" KNOWLEDGE " --> Acquire It.

The Most essential " 10 " letter word

" CONFIDENCE " -- > "Trust It.

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Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
~~~~~~~

Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~~
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
~~~~~~~
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy:Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy :No, mine is undying love.
~~~~~~~~
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband:Sure, what are my choices?
Wife :Yes and no.
~~~~~~~
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People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavour to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.

Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature. People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfilment in life.

Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness.....
People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them.

People who are truly in love are considerate of each others feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores.

People who are truly in love look out for their mates' best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well.

People who are truly in love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we counting on someone else to meet our needs.

People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mates' disappointments or failures.

People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time.

People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denies there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness.

Remember there is no failure in love, because once you tell somebody who you love, that you love him/her, then you have already succeeded in love.
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