Jokes n Talks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there? Read more...

In life when u face choices..just toss a coin..not coz it settles da questions bt.. While da coin is in air you will know wht ur heart realy desires for


Most of the problems in life comes because of two reasons..
First..we act without thinking..
Second..we keep thinking without acting




Never reject anybody in your life..good person gives us happiness and bad person gives us experience..both are essential for life..


Everyone in your life is going to hurt you.. Sooner or later .. But you have to decide..what more important? The pain or the person


If someone waits 4 u it doesnt mean that they have nothing else to do..it just means that nothing else is more important than u


We can always loose something for someone..but we should not loose someone for something becouse 'life can return that something but not that someone' Read more...

The same complaints from the same people about how tired they are, how stressed they are etc. with no solution in sight! The key is to correct the situation versus standing idle and accepting it.

Forget about the energy drinks or pills. Learn to increase your energy naturally, and have a healthy steady supply to get you through each day. By adjusting your personal eating, sleeping and exercise habits, you can boost your energy the natural way and settle into a self-sustaining rhythm.

Essential Water – Keep your body hydrated throughout the day. The first sign of dehydration is fatigue. Your body can’t function at capacity without that good old H2O. A steady supply of water will naturally keep things flowing–including your energy.

Improve Sleeping Habits – Often a small adjustment of your sleeping habits can already do wonders for your energy levels.

* Lying in bed is not sleeping: Don’t go to bed if your not sleepy and end up lying in bed pondering and stressing. If you are drifting off at the computer, while reading, or watching TV, it’s time to get to bed. Your bedtime should and will vary from night to night. Let your body tell you when to sleep as opposed to the following the 8-hour rule.


* Rise and Shine: Put an alarm and get up at the same time everyday.
* Sleepy at Noon?: Try a powernap of 20 minutes in a quiet place.



Experiment and find out what your optimal sleep levels are.

Yoga, Exercising & Stretching – It sounds counter-intuitive, perhaps, but by expending energy on a regular basis, you will actually give yourself more of it in the end. The key is to set up a fairly regular schedule–about three times a week–and push to the point that you feel refreshed, not exhausted. Don’t overdo it. It may take a couple of weeks to get into the natural rhythm, so have patience and higher energy levels will follow.

Deep breathing exercise – Another great way to re-energize your body is with a quick deep breathing exercise. Sit on a chair with a straight back and breathe deeply while you focus on your breath going in – going out. At the same time use a powerful affirmation to invigorate your mind and body.

Eliminate Energy-Sappers From Your Diet – Have more alkaline-forming foods like fruits and vegetables. Avoid excess sugar and coffee as they lead to lower blood sugar levels–and less energy–after they give you an initial kick. Also one could pack some almonds and nuts for a quick and convenient protein snack. Read more...

1.
Girl: The doctor was very bad.
Boy: Why?
Girl: He gave me injection in a weird place.
The boy was very angry.
Boy: Huh! Doctors are becoming very bad now a days. How could he touch you in weird places!
Girl: Do you want to see where?
The Boy replied happily: Ya ofcourse!
Girl: In that Hospital.

2.
Mrs. Sikdar: I am pregnant.
Mrs. Anita: Wow! Thats a very good news. But why are you looking so sad?
Mrs. Sikdar: About my husband.
Mrs. Anita: O dear! What happened?
Mrs. Sikdar: He is the worst husband ever.
Mrs. Anita: Thats why I say, never marry an widower. What did he do to you?
Mrs. Sikdar: He told me that he did his vasectomy before our marriage.


3.
A girl went to a tattoo house to make a tattoo in her legs. Look at the conversation between the tattoo maker and the girl.
Girl: I wana make a tattoo in my leg. Can I?
Tattoo maker: Surely, be seated here and higher you skirt a bit, I am doing it for you.
After sometime,
Tattoo maker: Mam, please higher your skirt a bit.
Girl: Ok
Again after sometime,
Tattoo maker: Mam, please higher your skirt a bit.
Girl: What the hell is wrong with you! What are you drawing?
Tattoo maker: A giraffe!

4.
Beggar: Sir please give me 20taka. God will bestow His blessings on you.
Passerby: Why are you asking for 20taka. Its too much! I will give you not more than 10taka.
Beggar: Please sir, for the sake of my girlfriend.
Passerby: Huh! You are a beggar and still you have managed to make a girlfriend.
Beggar: Nop sir, she has managed to make me a beggar!

5.
A man went to buy some eggs. He was standing infront of shop but there was no one in the shop. So, he was shouting.
Man: Hey whose eggs are these?
Shopkeeper came very quickly.
Shopkeeper: Yes sir, these are my eggs.
Man: O sorry then, I came here to buy hen eggs! Read more...

Everyone wants whiten teeth but due to yellow teeth people lose the confidence and avoid to smile. Here are some useful tips to get white teeth and bright smile.


Home Remedy Tooth Whitening

1- Brush your teeth with salt; put the salt on the toothbrush instead of regular toothpaste.

2- Mix baking soda into your regular toothpaste and brush your teeth with this mixture. You should see results within weeks.

3- Use lemon juice to brush your teeth.


4- Hydrogen peroxide is an effective chemical used to whiten teeth.

5- Brushing your teeth daily for one minute will give quick results.

6- Take some foil and fold it to form to your teeth. Take a little toothpaste and baking soda and mix together really well. Put some of the mixture into the foil and place on your teeth. Leave on for one-hour everyday.

7- Strawberries contain malic acid, which acts as a whitening agent by dissolving surface stains.

Make a paste by crushing one strawberry in a small bowl and mix with 1/2 teaspoon baking soda. Spread on teeth and leave for 5 minutes. Brush with toothpaste immediately after.

8- Brush teeth normally afterwards. You will notice whiter teeth in just a few days.

9- Some foods like apples, celery or carrots contribute to the removal of deposits on the teeth because they increase saliva.

10- Tea, coffee, red wine, all red fruits: blueberry, cherry, blackberry … alter the brightness and color of your teeth. To prevent stains settle down, brush your teeth or drink water immediately after.

Have a beautiful smile. Read more...

By the time the Lord made mothers, He was into the sixth day working
Overtime. An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much
Time on this one?"

And the Lord answered and said, "Have you read the spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not elastic; have 200 movable
Parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap
That can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she
Stands up; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a
Broken heart; and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs
Of hands! No way!" said the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's
The three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!"

"And that's on the standard model?" the Angel asked.


The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see
Through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing
Even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head
Are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can.
And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for
Looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves
Him or her without even saying a single word."

The Angel tried to stop the Lord "This is too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this
Creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself
When she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger
And can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her
So soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You
Have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be
Able to reason, and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the
woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like You have a leak with this model. I
Told You that You were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak." the Lord objected. "That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow,
Her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her
Pride."

The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of
Everything for this one. You even created the tear!"

The Lord looked at the Angel and smiled and said, "I'm afraid you are
Wrong again. I created the woman, but she created the tear!" Read more...

A surgeon went to check on his very blonde patient after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could expect a complete recovery.

She asked him, "How long will it be before I can resume a normal sex life again, Doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out." Read more...

Beware of time and calculate the expense for your time
live your life and consider it as a strange in your eyes
Save the shrine of who loves you if you miss
The greatest misfortune is disgracing who loves you
Not all people can be friends
Beware of who hides poison in the tusks
Laughing in front of your face and then will throw you in calamities
You are young and age did not grow up
If something is gone tomorrow you'll find
Be patient if you are wounded tomorrow you'll be recovered
Pass strange things in your life and here you are still alive
Happy with my life.. Read more...

1. Pursue Achievable Goals
2. Keep Genuine Smiles
3. Share with Others
4. Help Thy Neighbors
5.Maintain a Youthful Spirit
6. Get Along with the Rich, the Poor, the Beautiful, &the Ugly
7. Keep Cool Under Pressure
8 . Lighten the Atmosphere with Humor

9. Forgive the Annoyance of Others
10. Have a Few Pals
11. Cooperate and Reap Greater Rewards
12. Treasure Every Moment with Your Love Ones
13. Have High Confidence in Yourself
14. Respect the Disadvantaged
15. Indulge Yourself Occasionally
16. Surf the Net at Leisure
17. Take Calculated Risks
18. Understand "Money Isn't Everything" Read more...

1. Respect: Respect your parents , your teachers and your elders.
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2. Love: Love your country , your culture and your ancestors.
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3. Service: Serve the poor , the illiterate and the diseased.
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4. Self-Discipline: Discipline your body , your senses and your mind.
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5. Self-Control: Control your words , your thoughts and your action.
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6. Faith: Have faith in yourself , in others and in God.
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7. Discrimination: Discriminate between good and bad , real and unreal and vice and virtue.
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8. Concentration: Concentrate whole-heartedly while studying , working or praying.
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9. Truthfulness: Be truthful in words , thoughts and actions.
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10. Hard work: Work to acquire knowledge , skills and wisdom.
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11. Strengh: Be strong physically , mentally , intellectually , morally and spiritually.
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12. Conviction: Have conviction in the power of goodness , purity and honesty.
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13. Devotion: Have devotion for duty , scriptures , holy people and God.
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14. Habits: Cultivate regular habits of prayer , meditation and reading inspiring and strengthening literature.
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15. Same Sightedness: Feel the presence of the divine in all beings and treat them with the same standard as you treat your self.
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16. Firm Determination: Have firm determination and strong will-power to cultivate good habits in order to achieve permanent happiness peace , sucess and fulfilment in life. Read more...

Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.

With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems, enhancing your relationships, and supporting both physical and emotional health.
Laughter is good for your health

* Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
* Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
* Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
* Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

The Benefits of Laughter

Physical Health Benefits:

* Boosts immunity
* Lowers stress hormones
* Decreases pain
* Relaxes your muscles
* Prevents heart disease

Mental Health Benefits:

* Adds joy and zest to life
* Eases anxiety and fear
* Relieves stress
* Improves mood
* Enhances resilience



Social Benefits:

* Strengthens relationships
* Attracts others to us
* Enhances teamwork
* Helps defuse conflict
* Promotes group bonding

Laughter and humor help you stay emotionally healthy

Laughter makes you feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.

More than just a respite from sadness and pain, laughter gives you the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh–or even simply a smile–can go a long way toward making you feel better. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain and readies you to smile and join in on the fun.
The link between laughter and mental health
The link between laughter and mental health

* Laughter dissolves distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing.
* Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more.
* Humor shifts perspective, allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.

The social benefits of humor and laughter

Humor and playful communication strengthen our relationships by triggering positive feelings and fostering emotional connection. When we laugh with one another, a positive bond is created. This bond acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, and disappointment.
Laughing with others is more powerful than laughing alone

Shared laughter is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing laughter and play adds joy, vitality, and resilience. And humor is a powerful and effective way to heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Laughter unites people during difficult times.

Using humor and laughter in relationships allows you to:

* Be more spontaneous. Humor gets you out of your head and away from your troubles.
* Let go of defensiveness. Laughter helps you forget judgments, criticisms, and doubts.
* Release inhibitions. Your fear of holding back and holding on are set aside.
* Express your true feelings. Deeply felt emotions are allowed to rise to the surface.

Read more...

Nutrition as it applies to our daily lives means that we take in what we need to maintain our body’s healthy state. Nutrition has become an important word thanks to the involvement of the USDA in our daily food requirements, and the FDA’s involvement in determining what is and is not dangerous for us to consume.

But what is our responsibility in the nutrition game? Do we understand what our nutritional requirements are, how to fulfill those requirements, and how to look for real nutritional value in our foods?

I’m not sure that nutrition has been successfully addressed in its own right. We hear nutrition in relation to our vitamin intake, our fortified cereals and milk, and in the context that we need “nutritional value” from our food choices. But what really is nutrition when applied to our daily bodily functions?



Today, we must determine how much nourishment we need, how much physical exercise we need, and how best to accomplish those ends. Calorie needs, nutritional needs, physical needs, and education about those needs now is information we should all understand, at least as it applies to our individual self.

If you will visit your local doctor, library, or fitness center, there is massive amounts of information available to help educate and to help you make good health choices, no matter what the age group.
Nutrition


Nutrition refers to the nurturing of our body, in our ability to keep it healthy and functioning as it is supposed to do. Our ability to provide the body with all it’s necessary food, vitamins, and minerals so that we continue to thrive in our daily life processes.

How do we determine that we are providing the essential nutritional needs? That knowledge comes by educating ourselves about what our individual needs are, the needs of our family, and then taking that knowledge and applying it to the foods we buy, that we prepare, and that our families consume.

Quite often, our vitamin and mineral needs outweigh our caloric needs. In those instances, we turn to manufactured vitamins and minerals to fill the gap. This is a part of our nutritional needs, also.

Nutrition is one of the most complex areas to gain useful knowledge about, because there are so many components, and because each person has their own individual needs.

Women needs differ from those of men, and older women’s needs differ from those of a young girl. As we age, our needs constantly change; therefore continual education about nutrition is a fact of life. The nutritional needs of a cardiac patient are different than those of a healthy, middle-aged hiker.

Can you see the complexity of the situation now? What we really need is to develop a scale that determines the nutritional needs of our bodies on a cellular level, so that as we age, as our physical condition changes, or our health changes, we can recalculate our needs, based on cellular changes and content in our body.

Individuality is the key to understanding each person’s nutritional needs, and then working to educate us is the key to fulfilling those nutritional needs. Good nutrition should be the ultimate goal of every person alive.
Read more...

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."


The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

Read more...

Do you want to learn how can you be successful in your life? If your answer is a yes, then you will have to start from the most fundamental method, which is to adopt the success habit of a successful person. It is your habit that will determine the results you are going to get in your life. If you are someone who is lazy, you will never bother about spending time to improve yourself.

Therefore, if you want to be successful in your life, you have to start by adopting the 3 success habits in this article. Once you have adopted these habits, you will start to notice changes in your life and eventually you will move toward the direction where you want in your life. Here are the 3 habits...

1. Learn to be proactive. Successful people are the people who make things happen instead of waiting for things to happen. They are the ones who will often take the first step to make things possible. If you want to be successful, this is definitely the habit you must adopt. Instead of waiting for your customer to come to you, go out and look for your customer. Instead of waiting for success to come to you, make the first move and realize your dreams.

2. Learn to be passionate. This is the secret key to success you cannot miss. If you want to be successful, you must adopt the habit of doing something you love. If you hate your job, you will never get it done perfectly. However, if you are passionate about your job and you love what you do, you will do it with amazing results. This is what makes successful people successful in their life. Learn to love your job and adopt the habit of being passionate with everything you do in your life.

3. Finally, adopt the habit of constantly thinking about successful. If you want good things to come to you, you must first think about good things. Thinking about what you want to accomplish in your life will enhance your thought pattern and remind you about what you need to do all the time. Besides that, it will also make sure you are traveling in the right direction. The more you think about achieving great results in your life, the more excited you will be and eventually, the more successful you will be.

Q: Did you catch that fish?
A: No, I talked him into giving himself up.


Q: (from a woman just pulled over by a police officer) Did I do something wrong, officer?
A: No, today we're giving tickets out for doing things right.


Q: Is it raining outside?
A: Does it ever rain inside?


Q: (Student to teacher) Can I go to the bathroom?
A: I don't know. Can you?


Q: So you haven't caught any fish yet huh?
A: Sure, I've caught millions, they're just in the water playing hide n' seek !

Read more...

Stick to a schedule. Erratic bedtimes do not allow for your body to align to the proper circadian rhythms. Mum was right when she set a time we always had to go to sleep as kids. Also, make sure you try to keep the same schedule on weekends too, otherwise the next morning, you’d wake later and feel overly tired.

Sleep only at night. Avoid daytime sleep if possible. Daytime naps steal hours from nighttime slumber. Limit daytime sleep to 20-minute, power naps.

Exercise. It’s actually known to help you sleep better. Your body uses the sleep period to recover its muscles and joints that have been exercised. Twenty to thirty minutes of exercise every day can help you sleep, but be sure to exercise in the morning or afternoon. Exercise stimulates the body and aerobic activity before bedtime may make falling asleep more difficult.

Taking a hot shower or bath before bed helps bring on sleep because they can relax tense muscles...

Avoid eating just before bed. Avoid eat large meals or spicy foods before bedtime. Give yourself at least 2 hours from when you eat to when you sleep. This allows for digestion to happen (or at least start) well before you go to sleep so your body can rest well during the night, rather than churning away your food.

Avoid caffeine. It keeps you awake and that’s now what you want for a good nights sleep. We all know that.

Read a fiction book. It takes you to a whole new world if you really get into it. And then take some time to ponder over the book as you fall asleep. I find as I read more and more, regardless of the book, I get more tired at night and so find it easier to fall asleep. Different for others?

Have the room slightly cooler. I prefer this to a hot room. I prefer to turn off the heat and allow the coolness to circulate in and out of the windows. If I get cold, I wear warmer clothes. It also saves on the bills as you’re not going to require the heat all night long.

Sleep in silence. I find sleeping with no music or TV on more easy and restful. I guess others are different, but sleep with no distractions is best for a clearer mind.

Avoid alcohol before bedtime. It’s a depressant; although it may make it easier to fall asleep, it causes you to wake up during the night. As alcohol is digested your body goes into withdrawal from the alcohol, causing nighttime awakenings and often nightmares for some people.

Read more...

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

Read more...

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late...
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" Asked John.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project" said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy..

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
Read more...

One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport . We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'

He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life." Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...... 'Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't.'

5.- No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

4.- Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.


3.- The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2.- The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

1.- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it
Read more...

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.

One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The Dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."


Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... And just when they get close enough to hear,

The Dachshund says........ ......... .....

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

------------ --

Moral: It doesn't matter what cards you hold but how you play them!!

Read more...

*Take chances.
*Fight for something you believe in.
*Tell the truth. Make cute lies.
*Date someone totally wrong for you.
*Say no...
*Spend all your money! Fall in love.
*Care for the one whom you loved.
*Get to know someone random.
*Sing out loud. Dance like a monkey.
*Laugh at a stupid joke.
*Cry for your feelings.
*Take revenge. Apologise.
*Be a wierdo at times.
*Stay lonely.
*Tell someone how much they mean to you.
*Speak to yourself.
*Tell that fool how he Or she hurts you.
*Let someone know what they're missing.
*Laugh till your stomach hurts.

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”

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37 Ways to Make a Difference to Yourself and Others

- By Anolia Orfrecio Facun

"Making a difference" is not just a scheduled event or activity, but a moment any time when a person finds it in his/her heart to do something good, to care or to share, or to make a voluntary contribution to another individual, a community, or our society.

When we consciously give or do whatever we can to help maintain the wellness of individuals and families in our communities, these acts also contribute to the best quality of life of everyone in our society.

Let us continue to gather more bright ideas for our own lives and our surroundings.

Let's now begin to count the ways and put them into action..

The TIME has come... We say 'No more to gloom and doom!'

It is time to rise to our true potential... To experience total wellness in every area of our lives, contributing to solutions to maintain the quality of life we enjoy in our communities.

It is time for each of us to care more, to shine, and to carry the light of HOPE everywhere!

No one individual or one group, not even our government, can do it alone!

This is the time that we need each other most, to work together, joining our hands together in making a difference.

For YOURSELF:

1. Smile more often! Be amazed of how many will be happy to smile back at you. Besides, this is the best facial exercise you can make to delay aging signs -- so smile!

2. Eat right! Boost your immune system by eating more natural food, like fresh fruits and vegetables. This alone can significantly reduce your weight and health concerns.

3. Exercise regularly. The reason is not just to lose weight, but it's a great habit to maintain good health by improved circulation, elimination of body toxins, etc.

4. Drink water more than 'colored drinks' for your health. Water has no sugar or additives.

5. Read and learn more. Devote time and money for self-improvement, the best investment you can make that truly pays off.

6. Love, care, give, and share more. This practice is the very purpose of your life.

7. Keep believing. Pray. Nurture your spirit. This won't cost you any, but help or answer to your needs can be just a prayer away.


For those YOU CARE ABOUT:
8. If you love them, then say it and show it! Do not take them for granted. They need both to hear and see you care.

9. Spend more quality time with them. It is what they'll remember most.

10. Visit, write, call those you haven't for a while.

For our SENIORS:

11. Give a helping hand and cheers -- cooking, cleaning, or whatever they are limited to.

12. Give a ride or offer to carpool with them whenever there's a need.

13. Involve them on activities that will continue to stimulate their senses, or they can contribute their gathered wisdom.

For our CHILDREN or YOUTH:

14. Walk or create programs for youth to benefit them and rally for their good future.

15. Give them more opportunities to explore and develop their natural gifts and talents, express their dreams and goals.

16. Encourage our children more by your words and example. Stay positive! .

For our VETERANS: (For the freedom we now enjoy is due to their sacrifices.)

17. Send cards or anything to show you remember and appreciate them.

18. Recognize them and give a smile, a salute, or high-five when you see them around.

19. Support their events and fundraising efforts to help them.

For our HOMELESS Citizens: (Just like you and me, they need care and understanding. )

20. Encourage them by taking time to help them get the help they need/resources to get back on track.

21. Volunteer in your local shelters. There are many ways you can help or contribute.

22. Help create more programs to help them get out of their situation.

For our VOLUNTEERS: (For helping us make things happen.)

23. Big "thank you!" note or anything to show your appreciation of them.

24. Join them and be prepared to do a random act of kindness anytime.

25. How about "volunteers appreciation day" to celebrate them and have a good break?

For our ENVIRONMENT: (We only have one planet, so we must take care of it.)

26. Clean and plant trees with your workmates, neighbors, etc. Anywhere permissible.

27. Recycle consciously, not just plastics and papers, but clothes and others you can share. Clean up your closet, garage, or storage for everything that you don't need. Do a yard sale or simply drive to or call local charities for pickup. This is one recycling to meet needs of others.

28. Learn more of what's causing the global warming and contribute to preventions/ solutions.

For ALL of US:

29. Sing, dance, be happy no matter what. Brighter days are yet to come!

30. Speak the truth. Seeking the truth can set someone free.

31. Notice and say something good or positive to someone, and mean it.

32. Learn survival techniques. Always be prepared for any emergency.

33. Accept yourself. You are gifted and blessed more than you know.

34. Be forgiving and understanding as you seek forgiveness and understanding.

35. Learn how to budget or how to manage your money. Spend only on needs and the money that you actually have.

36. Be involved in your community in making good things happen!

37. Will you support me on my personal goal to make a difference (i.e., to reach at least three million people everywhere to bring HOPE and more OPPORTUNITIES for people to live better lives)?

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